Here One Week, There the Next “I hate having to live in two different houses and never knowing which one a certain shirt I want to wear is.” This quote illustrates one of the common complications children and teenagers face due to divorce. When Aly, my best friend, was sixteen years old, her parents decided to separate. Not only were they splitting up, they were breaking up their family. Aly is now twenty. She spent all of her high school years going back and forth spending time between her mom and dad. Aly is an ambitious and outgoing individual. I have been her friend for four years now and have seen how wonderful a person she is, but the life she has to deal with everyday can be a challenge and stressful. During our interview, she admitted that she does not feel like she has a real place to call home. She feels more at home at her mom’s house because she has a dog there and usually daughters are always closer to their mothers, but she still cannot call one house her home. She has two houses that she spends every other week living in, but no home.
“I don’t like feeling like my parents have to fight for or win who I like more. They are both my parents; I don’t want to feel like I have to choose between them.” Aly’s dad and mom are both caring and involved in her and her younger brother’s lives. Unfortunately, if one parent does not make it to one of their soccer games the other parent feels like they “won” because they showed up. Aly said she wishes everyone could get along. “I know I have a family, but sometimes I wish we were how we used to be.” Aly’s dad works for Ford Motor Company and her mom works for Henry Ford Hospital. When they decided to divorce they both moved into smaller houses, but in the same city so Aly and her brother would not have to switch schools. Aly’s dad pays for the lease on her car, and her mom pays for the insurance. “It seems like every little thing that seems simple, has to be discussed or argued about then settled on between my parents.” Most divorced couples can tolerate each other for the sake of their children, but they usually end up arguing which can pay a toll on their children’s development.
Furthermore, Aly is a beautiful and fun young woman and she has never had a steady long-term relationship. I asked her if she is afraid of love because of her parents and she said, “No, I just haven’t found the right guy worthy of my time.” Since I have been her friend for some time now, but not during her parent’s divorce, I can still tell when she is trying to hide certain feelings. I believe her family background will affect her future relationships. Everyone fears the future, because it is unpredictable, but those who come from divorced families seem to fear it more because they do not always see the love between their parents like others. “I think it would have been worse if my parents divorced when I was younger, but then again I think I just say that because I’m older.” When Aly’s parents split up and she was flowing with emotions dealing with adolescence and the divorce easily added more stress and pressure on her. Since she was older, she felt like she did not want to get involved or even worse, be part of her parents’ arguments. She admits now that she is used to her parents’ decision to divorce, but at the same time wished they would have tried harder to work it out.
All in all, I have felt very close to Aly throughout our friendship, but we have never sat down and talked about her family and the issues she dealt with when her parents divorced. I could sense she felt uncomfortable when asked certain questions especially on a topic we never discuss. Fortunately, being friends and being used to talking everyday made it easier. I asked Aly if she would want her parents to get remarried if that is what they wanted and she said, “No way, they are completely different people now.” Aly admitted to me that she likes to tell herself when she gets married and has a family she will not let divorce be an option because of the difficulties she dealt with when growing up. Aly is just one person who is part of a separated family, her feelings are her own and do not justify those of others, but her feelings are real and should be cared about. Maybe sometimes divorce is for the best even if one does not think so at the time.
